........................................................................................................

http://borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=640

In a speech to the Iraqi people today, U.S. interim administrator L. Paul Bremer promised to share power with Iraqis “as soon as it is turned back on.” ...Mr. Bremer admitted in his speech that most of the southern city of Basra was being lit by a single Little Mermaid nightlight donated by a relief organization.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A62540-2003Aug15

Iraqis who have suffered for months with little electricity... offered some tips to help Americans beat the heat.

...SLEEP ON THE ROOF...SIT IN THE SHADE ...HEAD FOR THE WATER ...SHOWER FREQUENTLY ...BUY BLOCKS OF ICE ...GET A GENERATOR ...CALL IN THE IRAQIS. Some suggested the Americans ask the Iraqis how to get the power going again. "Let them take experts from Iraq," said Alaa Hussein, 32, waiting in a long line for gas because there was no electricity for the pumps. "Our experts have a lot of experience in these matters."

........................................................................

http://www.satiresearch.com/go.asp?sid=17193

NewsHax wire -- President George Bush, citing his own experiences with blackouts, advised residents of the blackout-stricken Northeastern U.S. to "go cold turkey on the booze and be more careful with pretzels."

In a televised statement intended to encourage people who could not see or hear him due to the blackout, Bush said avoiding blackouts was simply a matter of "personal responsibility." "I've experienced a number of black-outs, based on what my old buddies at Skull and Bones tell me," Bush said "One of them happened while I was driving, so I guess I've even had a rolling blackout."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A56016-2003Aug13.html

When [Pfc. Steven] York, 25, of Omaha, reports for guard duty every day at the Al Digla Bora bank, he sits high in the turret of a Bradley Fighting Vehicle that holds heat like an oven... Of the 79 Americans who have died in Iraq of causes unrelated to combat since May 1, at least two -- and perhaps as many as five -- have succumbed to the heat, according to defense officials.

...Spec. Amar Arias, 21, from Las Vegas, said the metal on his rifle was too hot to touch... Metal plates in flak jackets can heat sweat to scalding temperatures, and canteens aren't impervious to the scorching sun, either. [et cetera]

..............................................................................

http://www.kirotv.com/news/2407110/detail.html

Private First Class Mary Yahne doesn't often get access to a phone in Iraq. But sometimes she does get her hands on a computer, and she's been firing off e-mails to us and to her family in Bonney Lake... She's written us here at KIRO 7 Eyewitness News saying, "the military expects us to be happy out here. I'm very happy serving my country, but not when the government fails to take care of you." ...Private Yahne also writes, "There is no real reason for us to be out here!!!!, We're protecting the oil is all, and as far as the supposed war ending, it hasn't." ...Private Yahne is also begging for some help, asking Northwesterners to send soldiers supplies they don't have, like shampoo, conditioner, body wash, deodorant, and snack foods that aren't perishable.

..............................................................................

http://www.arabnews.com/?page=4§ion=0&article=30405&d=16&m=8&y=2003&pix=world.jpg&category=World

WASHINGTON, 16 August 2003 — The families of more than 600 US troops in Iraq have launched a campaign for their return... “George Bush said, ‘Bring them on,’” said Nancy Lessin, co-founder of Military Families Speak Out... “We say, ‘Bring them home now.’ Bring them home because our troops should not have been in Iraq in the first place. “Bring them home because there was no imminent danger to the United States. Bring them home because there were no weapons of mass destruction. Bring them home because there was no link between Al-Qaeda and Saddam Hussein,” said Lessin. “We are here today to say it was wrong for the US to invade Iraq, it is wrong for the US to be occupying Iraq, and there is no right way to do a wrong thing.”

...Stan Goff of Raleigh, North Carolina, a 26-year career soldier and retired Special Forces master Sergeant, was bitter about the war. “...This is not the rule of law,” he said. “This is the rule of bombs and bullets. These are rich men in very expensive suits conducting statecraft like gangsters."

“The US does have a responsibility to Iraq and to the people of Iraq to clean up the mess that we have made,” said Charlie Richardson, co-founder of Military Families Speak Out. But, he added, “It can’t be done with US troops. In launching the ‘Bring Them Home Now’ campaign, we are calling on military families and others in the military and veterans communities to speak out against the use of our troops as cannon fodder [and] against the reckless occupation of Iraq.”

.........................................................................................

http://www.nypost.com/news/nationalnew

Meet GI George... Blue Box Toys, a Chinese company that also produces "Little Kitty" products, is hoping to sell at least 5,000 of the 12-inch-tall Bush figurines commemorating the president's May 1 landing on the USS Abraham Lincoln aircraft carrier, when he declared that major combat in Iraq was over. Since that declaration, 58 Americans have been killed by Iraqi soldiers and guerilla fighters.

...The hair on the fully poseable doll is cropped close, and he wears the steeled look of a man with many missions under his belt. He carries flares, a helmet, extra oxygen and a parachute harness. Even his zippers zip. In reality, Bush avoided any Vietnam flights by signing up for a quiet tour of duty in the Texas National Guard, a time period the president rarely talks about.

...Company spokeswoman Lauri Aibel... who told The Post that she did not vote for Bush, says he's worthy of his own action figure because he transfixed America by doing something no president had ever done before. But she said the company has received some very negative feedback on the action figure. "They say, 'How can you do this?' " Aibel said.

The president's likeness [is] packaged with a $39.99 price tag and marketed as "Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush - U.S. President and Naval Aviator." ...Tony Welch, a spokesman for Terry McAuliffe, head of the Democratic National Committee, said: "It's impossible for there to be a Bush action figure showing him working on the economy because it's something that the president has never done." ...The White House declined to comment.

..................................................................

http://borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=651

Appearing on the Al-Jazeera network last night, former Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein interrupted a chilling message to the Iraqi people to offer a glowing assessment of the new Universal Pictures release “Seabiscuit,” opening in theaters across America this Friday. Saddam, who spent the first two minutes of his latest taped appearance exhorting all Iraqis to rise up against the “infidels,” suddenly shifted gears and said, “On a more pleasant subject, last night I saw a movie I thoroughly enjoyed and I think you will, too: ‘Seabiscuit.’” The Iraqi madman went on to extol the virtues of the Depression-era horse drama, saying, “Tobey Maguire gives the performance of his career… Jeff Bridges has never been better… Director Gary Ross has created the most realistic racing scenes ever to appear in a motion picture.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://palestinechronicle.com/article.php?story=20030814195850284

WASHINGTON - A secure and prosperous Iraq exists only in the pages of the implausibly upbeat 100-day "progress report" recently issued by the White House, a leading U.S. newspaper commented Thursday, August 14, on the report which drew up a rosy picture for the occupied Arab country. "Future White House reports should describe the world, not wishful fantasies," wrote The New York Times in an editorial published Thursday.

....................................................................

http://www.chaser.com.au/show_story.asp?ID=720&ED=75

LONDON, Monday - Tony Blair has today hit back at intelligence community leaks suggesting he deceived the public over weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. “These rogue elements in the intelligence community are making unlikely claims wholly unsubstantiated by evidence – and that’s our job” said a visibly angry Blair... In the speech, Mr Blair also repeated his call for patience in waiting for WMDs to be found. “I can assure these weapons will be found, and I can assure you because we are currently in the process of fabricating these finds.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://palestinechronicle.com/article.php?story=20030814200654376

The U.N. Security Council Thursday, August 14, adopted a resolution that "welcomed" the establishment of the U.S.-handpicked Iraqi Governing Council, but stopped short of formally "endorsing" the body.

...The Iraqi council meanwhile snubbed Arab League individual invitations for talks with Secretary General of the pan-Arab organization Amr Moussa... [because] Egyptian Foreign Minister Ahmad Maher on Monday, August 11, said that the Iraqi council did not represent "the legitimate authority" in Iraq, calling for forging a common Arab policy on the war-ravaged country.

......................................................................

http://www.albawaba.com/news/index.php3?sid=256167&lang=e&dir=news

Arab countries cannot recognize the legitimacy of the US-appointed Interim Governing Council in Iraq, Egyptian Foreign Minister Ahmed Maher has said.Maher's comments followed a meeting in the Egyptian capital of Cairo with his Saudi and Syrian counterparts, Saud al-Faisal and Faruq al-Shara, respectively.

However, Maher said Arab states remained prepared to meet members of the council on the same basis as they would meet members of any Iraqi political group... "Whether we recognize this council or not depends on lots of things, including the powers it will have, the nature of its relations with the occupying forces and the role of the United Nations," he said.

......................................................................

http://borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=656

Backing off somewhat from his earlier claims that Saddam Hussein possessed an active nuclear weapons program, President Bush said today that there was “mounting evidence” that the Iraqi strongman listed “uranium” as an item on his Amazon.com wish list. “We have reason to believe that Saddam Hussein sought not only uranium at Amazon.com, but free shipping as well,” Mr. Bush told reporters. “Without the intervention of the U.S., a nuclear bomb in Iraq was just one click away.” Mr. Bush said the Iraqi dictator’s wish list offers incontrovertible proof that Saddam sought weapons-grade uranium, as well as a Segway scooter and the DVD to the James Bond film “Goldeneye.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=643

The CIA revealed today that they had uncovered a large cache of the lubricant WD-40 outside Basra today. “While WD-40 is not the same thing as WMD, it could be used to lubricate a machine that could make WMD,” the CIA said.

Meanwhile, in testimony before Congress, CIA director George Tenet acknowledged today that large sections of the President’s State of the Union Address had been copied verbatim from the children’s classic “Alice in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll. Mr. Tenet took the blame for the inclusion of the “Alice” passages.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Middle_East/EH16Ak02.html

It is no secret that US defense and construction companies - particularly those with close ties to the administration of President George W Bush - are making a lot of money in the post-war rush for contracts in Iraq... San Diego-based Scientific Applications International Corporation (SAIC), [is] one of the Pentagon's largest, most lucrative and politically connected contractors. Of the six billion dollars it earned in revenue last year, about two thirds came from the US Treasury, mostly from the defense budget.

SAIC is among the most mysterious and feared of the big 10 defense giants - feared because of its ruthlessness in procuring contracts, says the Washington Post; mysterious, in part because, as an employee-owned company, it does not have to file with the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), and because its press officers are notorious for not providing information. Indeed, for this article, SAIC press officers referred all questions to the Pentagon's general press office.

...[One] prominent SAIC executive and former vice president also has a long-standing connection with Iraq: David Kay, the former UN weapons inspector who was hired by the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) in June to head the effort to track down Iraqi weapons of mass destruction (WMD). A former senior science official in the Reagan administration, Kay argued forcefully last fall against relying on UN weapons inspections to "contain" Iraq and for removing Saddam Hussein from power.

These connections may account for some of SAIC's success in landing Iraqi-related contracts. For example, it has been running the Iraqi Reconstruction and Development Council (IRDC) since the body was established by the Pentagon in February. According to press accounts, the 150 mostly-expatriate Iraqis employed in the program, most of whom have been in Baghdad since May, are to serve as the "Iraqi face" of the occupation authority.

...SAIC is also a subcontractor under Vinnell Corporation, another big defense contractor that [was]... hired to reconstitute and train a new Iraqi army.

...The Iraqi (sometimes referred to as "Indigenous") Media Network (IMN) project, valued initially at a minimum of $25,000,000.00, was formally launched in mid-April... Its aim, as an outgrowth of the IRDC operation, was to put together a new information ministry, complete with television, radio and a newspaper... To oversee the job, SAIC hired away the director of Voice of America (VOA), Robert Reilly, an outspoken right-wing ideologue who began his public career in the 1980s as a propagandist in the White House for the Nicaraguan contras.

..."SAIC didn't have any suitable qualification to run a media network," according to Rohan Jayasekera, who has kept an eye on media developments in Iraq for London-based Index on Censorship. "The whole thing was so incredibly badly planned by them that no one could make sense of what they were doing," he said... for example, that SAIC ordered equipment that was incompatible with existing systems in Iraq and that it had made no plans for TV programming... "Increasingly, the newscasts became irrelevant for Iraqis," one source told The Washington Post in May. "They're not really interested in the Laci Peterson [murder] case."

...The Pentagon itself has kept the project stumbling along on short-term contracts with SAIC, but, according to Jayasekera, is actively looking for an alternative. The fact that that SAIC was hired in the first place, however, "appears to have been a serious mistake".

......................................................................................

http://borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=642

Under increasing pressure to explain his reason for going to war with Iraq, President George W. Bush came out swinging today, telling reporters that former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein conspired to hide that reason from the U.S. “for years.” “Over a period of several years, we demanded that Saddam Hussein give us a reason to go to war with him,” Mr. Bush said. “He defiantly refused to give us that reason again and again and again.” Mr. Bush said that U.N. resolutions explicitly require that countries give each other good reasons to go to war with each other.

...The President added that the U.S. would eventually find a reason for its war with Iraq, but urged his critics to be patient with the reason-finding process, saying that the U.S. already had its hands full looking for Saddam himself. “I think if it comes down to finding Saddam Hussein or finding a good reason why we ousted Saddam Hussein, the priority has to be finding Saddam Hussein,” Mr. Bush said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.news.scotsman.com/latest.cfm?id=1805357

The death of former Ugandan dictator Idi Amin was today met with dismay by many of his victims that the brutal tyrant had never been punished for his appalling crimes... The human rights organisation Amnesty International was also unhappy that Amin had not paid the price for his crimes... Spokesman George Ngwa said... “It is important at this time to remember the 400,000 killed and the survivors who are still waiting for justice more than 20 years after Idi Amin was given safe refuge by the Saudi Arabian government. The fact that Idi Amin was able to evade justice for over two decades underlines the present need for an international justice system that can hold people responsible for genocide, crimes against humanity and other grave human rights abuses.”

Amin was a well-known figure in the British military and began his career in the King’s African Rifles of the British colonial army in 1946... [and] was one of only two native Ugandans to receive a commission from the British army during colonial rule.

...In January 1971, the one-time heavyweight boxing champion staged a successful coup while President Milton Obote was out of the country.

Relations soon soured between the UK and Uganda. In 1975, Amin wrote to the Queen: “My dear Queen. I would like you to arrange for me to visit Scotland, Ireland and Wales to meet the heads of revolutionary movements fighting against your imperialist oppression.”

...During eight years of tyrannical rule, Amin ordered the execution of hundreds of thousands of Ugandans from rival tribes. Besides expelling the country’s 50,000 Asians, he dramatically increased the size of the army, giving military tribunals preference over civil law. In April 1979, Amin, who was a Muslim, fled to Libya and Iraq, before finally settling in Saudi Arabia where he led a comfortable life in exile.

.....................................................................................

http://www.theonion.com/onion3930/former_president.html

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND—An international peace-crimes tribunal commenced legal proceedings against former U.S. President Jimmy Carter for alleged crimes against inhumanity Monday. "Jimmy Carter's political career includes a laundry list of anti-war-making offenses," said chief prosecutor Charles B. Simmons. "Carter's record of benevolence, diplomacy, and respect for human life is unrivaled in recent geopolitical history. For millions, the very sight of his face evokes memories of his administration's reign of tolerance."

...Police apprehended Carter on July 25 in South Florida, where he was building low-income housing as a part of a Habitat For Humanity project. Shortly thereafter, he was extradited to Geneva.

...Yale University political-science professor Janet Hargrove said the evidence against Carter is overwhelming. "Carter's defense team will have a difficult task defending him against these peacemaking accusations," Hargrove said. "Carter's signature is right there on the Camp David accords between Egypt and Israel. His decision to return control of the Panama Canal to Panama continues to impede U.S. military intervention in the region even today, and his influence on the SALT II treaty is a matter of public record. He may have been in part responsible for the temporary nuclear détente between the U.S. and the Soviets." While much of his peacemaking took place during his term of office, the years following Carter's presidency have included peace-mongering missions in Ethiopia, Sudan, North Korea, and the former Yugoslavia.

...Vince Halloway, an expert in international law with the Brookings Institution, expects Carter's defenders to attempt to establish him as a propagator of international conflict by citing his mishandling of the Iran hostage crisis, his boycott of the 1980 Moscow Olympics, and his time served on a Navy nuclear submarine. Halloway, however, said he considers this defense "thin." "Prosecutors will have no difficulty establishing Carter's willful intent... when they cite his formation of The Carter Center, an organization whose three publicly stated aims are 'Fighting Disease,' 'Building Hope,' and 'Waging Peace,'" Halloway said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/08/16/1060936105904.html

The US will not oppose ending United Nations sanctions on Libya now it has taken responsibility for the "actions of its officials" in the 1988 Lockerbie bombing, the White House said. However, US sanctions would remain at "full force", presidential spokesman Scott McClellan said in a statement... His comments came soon after Libya handed the UN a letter in which it said it took responsibility for the downing of Pan Am Flight 103 over the Scottish town of Lockerbie.

The letter... followed 14 years of talks with representatives of the families of the 270 dead... Libya has also agreed to pay $2,700,000,000.00 in compensation to the families... The letter was part of a carefully orchestrated sequence of events arduously negotiated between the US, Britain and Libya, and intended to help Libya resume a full role in the international community.

............................................................

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2003/08/15/MN300941.DTL

A group of 37 Iraqi teachers spent the summer removing gratuitous Hussein references from school textbooks, slicing out his photos and deleting Baath Party screeds. With $107,000,000.00 from the U.S. government and the United Nations' oil-for-food program, 65,000,000 new copies of the edited textbooks will be printed and distributed to schools within the coming months.

.............................................................................

http://www.satiresearch.com/go.asp?sid=17053

Crawford, Texas — President Bush ordered full military air strikes against the jackass with the leaf blower next door from the backyard hammock of his ranch in Texas this afternoon. President Bush announced the start of the military campaign against his next door neighbor’s Lawn Specialist in a televised address to members of the Crawford Homeowners Association. “American forces are in the early stages of military operations to disarm the jackass next door with his irritating leaf blower and to free the people of this peaceful subdivision,” Bush said.

Administration sources said the decision to strike came after a meeting in Bush’s backyard in which the President was becoming increasingly frustrated with the defiance displayed by the jackass and his leaf blower. Pentagon officials told Bush that the they could lose the “target of opportunity” if they didn’t act quickly, and the President gave the green light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Middle_East/EH15Ak03.html

BAGHDAD - The US Central Intelligence Agency used former members of Saddam Hussein's government to induce regime elements to defect in the prelude to Operation Iraqi Freedom. This has emerged from the admission of two key collaborators with the CIA.

One of the men is Faris Sulayvani, who was the commander of the Fursan, the all-Kurdish militia... The officials Sulayvani met in Syria without that government's awareness were cautious. "They said, 'We are afraid the US will betray us like they did in 1991,'" he said, referring to the US call for an Iraqi uprising and subsequent refusal to assist it, "'but we'll work with you.'"

...The other collaborator was Arshad Zebari, who had been a minister in Saddam's government... Zebari, who in 1987 destroyed the village of Barzan, home to the Barzani tribe that dominates the Kurdish Democratic Party, receives protection from the CIA, and carries a card identifying him as a "friend of the United States of America" who is entitled to free travel, as well as armed security.

...The CIA initially supported Ahmad Chalabi, but allegations of financial irregularities and Chalabi's 50-year absence from Iraq drove the US intelligence agency to find more recent exiles... The risks of such association, however, are that it may drive the already anxious Kurdish leadership farther away from Iraq and the US effort, since the majority of Kurds still hope for independence and may resent the presence of those who fought against them on the list of US government friends.

.......................................................................

http://www.albawaba.com/news/index.php3?sid=256316&lang=e&dir=news

The United States introduced a resolution Wednesday that would establish a U.N. mission in Iraq and welcome the Iraqi Governing Council as "an important step" toward the formation of a true government... U.S. Ambassador John Negroponte called for a Thursday vote after closed-door consultations, but Syria's U.N. Ambassador Mikhail Wehbe, the current council president, said, "We will see whether we are able to vote tomorrow or not," the AP reported.

.......................................................................

http://www.albawaba.com/news/index.php3?sid=256434&lang=e&dir=news

Saboteurs blew up a major pipeline and stopped all oil flow from Iraq to Turkey, just three days after the pipeline between the two states was reopened, officials said Saturday.

..........................................................................

http://palestinechronicle.com/article.php?story=20030816002102535

MOSCOW - Deputy Russian Foreign Minister Yuri Fedotov warned here on Friday that the continuation of internal security crisis in Iraq can lead to the expansion of insecurity and crisis in the whole region... He said, "Since the Russian Federation's borders are quite close to Iraq, we cannot tolerate the continuation of crisis there for a long time."

....................................................................

http://llanelliscar.co.uk/rums.htm

US forces in Iraq have announced that they have captured a man who shook hands with Saddam Hussein, during the 1980's. Spokesperson for the elite unit who captured the man said, "This is a big break for us. We have been trying to capture this dangerous person, since the end of the Iraq war. The man, who answers to the name of 'Donald Rumsfeld', is a known associate of Saddam Hussein. They met and shook hands shortly before Saddam used chemical weapons, such as mustard gas, against Iranian soldiers in the Iran-Iraq war. I know some people say that he old, decrepid and has a memory loss problem, but he still is a big danger to coalition forces in Iraq and the Iraqi people. That is why we launched the operation to capture him".

Rumsfeld, the 'Queen of Diamonds' in the 'most wanted' pack of cards issued to coalition forces, is to be interrogated about weapons of mass destruction and the use of them. US forces are confident, that he will lead them to buried WMDs, most of which are in the US.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

cluster bomb kills white guy

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;$sessionid$43YQO2WNI1BZPQFIQMGSFFWAVCBQWIV0?xml=/news/2003/08/16/wirq16.xml&sSheet=/news/2003/08/16/ixnewstop.html

A coroner is demanding a review of the use of cluster bombs after hearing how a British expert died trying to make safe unexploded devices dropped by American forces and gathered up by Iraqi peasant farmers... Villagers implored Staff Sgt Chris Muir, 33, to help them to clear their fields of explosives so they could harvest crops... They urged him to follow them to their fields where he saw more than 400 cluster bombs on the ground. Many of the M42 cluster bombs, dropped in a recent Amercian air raid, had failed to explode, having hit soft ground, and the farmers were attempting to harvest their tomatoes by stepping around them... Each cluster bomb contained 60 bomblets and many had failed to explode. Sgt Muir, a married man from Southam, Warks, had made safe 100 devices when one exploded in his hands, killing him instantly.

The coroner recorded a verdict of death by misadventure. He said: "It is unacceptable that 30 per cent of these bomblets fail to detonate, falling in areas where the local population are not likely to understand the dangers. "I propose to use my powers to report to the Ministry of Defence and urge them to investigate."

..........................................................................

beeb in trouble again

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2003372722,00.html

US anti-terror chiefs yesterday accused the BBC of blowing a chance to penetrate Osama Bin Laden’s arms network. Agents planned to secretly recruit British weapons dealer Hemant Lakhani and use him to lead them to bigger fish. But the plot was aborted when the FBI learned Beeb reporter Tom Mangold was about to reveal the operation on the 10pm bulletin... Instead they charged Lakhani, 68, then hid their fury by hailing it a huge coup.

US magazine Newsweek also revealed how Mangold’s report — based on an apparent police leak — had key errors. They included a false claim the arms sale was part of a plot by terrorists to shoot down President Bush’s jet Air Force One... The BBC insisted it was NOT the first to break the story. A spokeswoman said: “The BBC has not received any complaints from any of the US authorities. All interested parties were alerted to the report before transmission and at no time registered their concerns.”

Meanwhile, it emerged Lakhani may have blundered into the arms sting. The married rag trader — a Hindu from Hendon, North London — was a serial bankrupt desperate for money. A former associate said: “He’s a bit of a con artist but is no Osama Bin Laden — more of a Del Boy Trotter.”

.......................................................................

http://www.albawaba.com/news/index.php3?sid=256374&lang=e&dir=news

Saudi Arabia welcomes Iran's readiness to hand over any Saudi al-Qaeda suspects it may be holding and has already asked for their extradition, the oil-rich kingdom's interior minister said in remarks published Thursday. "We have positive security cooperation with the Iranian authorities, and we are used to them handing over to us any detained Saudi suspects," Prince Nayef bin Abdul Aziz told Al-Hayat.

........................................................................

http://palestinechronicle.com/article.php?story=20030814192458427

When I read that Daniel Pipes had been nominated to the board of the United States Institute of Peace (a federally funded body whose members are proposed by the president and confirmed by the Senate), my first reaction was one of bafflement. Why did Pipes want the nomination? After all, USIP, a somewhat mild organization, is devoted to the peaceful resolution of conflict.

...The board of USIP already contains enough people to make sure that the hawkish viewpoint does not go unrepresented. It includes Douglas Feith, undersecretary of defense, and Harriet Zimmerman of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee.

.........................................................................

the what?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/1969542.st

The best-known pro-Israel lobby group is Aipac, the American-Israel Public Affairs Committee. It is rated as one of the top five lobbying groups in Washington. "Aipac has a lot of influence on foreign policy," says JJ Goldberg, editor of the Jewish newspaper The Forward. "They work hard to ensure that America endorses pretty much Israel's view of the world and the Middle East."

............................................................................

http://www.news.scotsman.com/international.cfm?id=898012003

Israel is offering generous financial incentives to lure young couples to the occupied territories. Couples who sign up to move to Givat Ze’ev during the next four months will receive a grant of £7,100 and a loan for the same amount. Couples moving to other settlements will receive similar largesse. The incentives were announced by the housing minister, Efraim Eitam, the day before the US Middle East envoy William Burns meets Israeli officials, ostensibly to work on the road map.

...Givat Ze’ev leaders predicted the new incentives would help bring Israelis to 1,300 housing units planned for the settlement... Israel has for years used financial incentives to boost the Jewish population in the West Bank, now more than 200,000, or about 10 per cent of the Palestinian population. But these incentives have come when the road map calls on Israel to put the brakes on settlement building. Israel’s Peace Now group says the government has removed eight outposts, but started eight others.

........................................................................

http://palestinechronicle.com/article.php?story=20030814193040575

President Yasser Arafat on Tuesday blasted the Israeli Apartheid Wall being built on occupied Palestinian land as “part of plan to settle the Palestinians in ghettos." ..."Israel has already seized 58 percent of the West Bank, what remains for the Palestinians is 42 percent, divided into cantons in Hebron, Jericho, Ramallah, Nablus and Jenin, ghettos in Qalqilya and Tulkarem, with a 'Berlin wall' around Jerusalem,” he said.

"Israel has given nothing to the Palestinians, we are wondering what happened to the roadmap two months after its proclamation,” he added, referring to the US-sponsored peace plan that paves the way for a Palestinian state by 2005.

...[Meanwhile,] he Bush administration, responding to Palestinian bomb attacks on Israelis, called on Prime Minister Abbas on Tuesday to confront and dismantle “terror” structures on the West Bank and in Gaza Strip. White House spokeswoman Claire Buchan said, "Dismantling terror networks is a very high priority, the highest priority.” The US State Department deputy spokesman reinforced the White House message. "Nothing is more important than cracking down on those who would use terror to kill innocent people,” Secretary of State Powell told Egypt’s Nile Television.

..........................................................................

http://palestinechronicle.com/article.php?story=2003081600180089

RAMALLAH, West Bank - A total of 2,647 Palestinians have been killed since the start of the Palestinian uprising against Israel in September 2000, a Palestinian Authority (PA) information office said Wednesday... Of that number, 482 victims were children and 178 women. The figures include Palestinians killed during Israeli army raids and those hit in "targeted killings" carried out by the military.

...During the 34-month-long conflict, 36,448 people have been wounded, 11,390 in Gaza and 25,058 in the West Bank, the statement said. The report also put the total number of Palestinians in Israeli jails at 7,389 up to the end of July. Since the figures were compiled, Israel has released around 400 Palestinian prisoners. According to an AFP count, a total of 3,399 people have been killed as a result of the intifada, including 2,560 Palestinians and 778 Israelis.

..........................................................................

http://www.csmonitor.com/2003/0815/p08s01-wome.html

BEIRUT, LEBANON – Diplomatic efforts are under way to cap the worst violence along the Lebanese-Israeli border in more than a year... Israel's staging of mass overflights by military jets in Lebanese airspace Wednesday has dampened hopes of an imminent breakthrough. The overflights are fueling suspicion that Israel is seeking to goad the Islamic party into an open conflict.

...Hizbullah routinely fires antiaircraft shells across the border in a tit-for-tat retaliation to the almost daily violations of Lebanese airspace by Israeli jets. The rounds from Hizbullah's vintage 57mm cannons explode thousands of feet above Israeli border towns, spattering whatever lies below with light shrapnel... Sunday, the UN's worst fears were confirmed when a 16-year-old Israeli died and three other civilians were wounded after three antiaircraft rounds exploded in the western Galilee border town of Shelomi. Israel retaliated four hours later by bombing the antiaircraft battery that carried out the fatal shooting.

In the early hours of Monday morning, an Israeli jet flew a low-level supersonic run over Beirut. The thunderclap of the sonic boom rattled windows, set off car alarms, and brought sleepy Beirutis out onto balconies to scan the inky night sky for the invisible planes, which continued to rumble over the city for another hour. "If the Israelis are afraid of these antiaircraft shells, their leaders should stop their planes from crossing Lebanese skies," says Hassan Ezzieddine, a member of Hizbullah's politburo.

..."The Israelis realize that after seven months without attacks along the border, it becomes hard to keep claiming that Hizbullah is a threat. They had to heat up the border," [Michael Young, a Lebanese political commentator] claims... The Americans are seeking to persuade Israel to abandon its overflights for a month to prove one way or the other if they are connected to Hizbullah's cross-border antiaircraft fire. If the antiaircraft fire halts as expected, then Israel will have difficulty arguing for a resumption of overflights, a diplomat says.

......................................................................

http://www.news-at-ten.tv/articles/US_sees_sense.htm

WASHINGTON D.C.--The US Surgeon General, Vice Admiral Richard H. Carmona, held a press conference this morning addressing the Good Sense epidemic. For the past two months, infected Americans have reported experiencing doubt in authority figures, compassion for the homeless, and, in some cases, severe dissatisfaction with the status quo. "Particularly at risk are Americans who hate reading, drive SUVs, or support war as a means to end conflict, real or imagined," the Surgeon General said. "And that's not just Republicans," he added.

Indeed, thousands of poor and middle-class Americans who normally don't possess the initiative to vote have been infected by the Good Sense virus, causing random acts of lunacy such as taking an interest in world events and eschewing network television for a good book. "I can't watch TV anymore," said Becky Smith, a middle-class mother of three who became infected while shopping for a Christmas sweater for her dog. "I was watching 'When Pets Fight Back' with my three-year-old and I thought, 'Wait a minute. They're keeping us stupid so we'll keep buying things we don't need.' Now I get mad whenever I turn the TV on, so I decided to teach my 13-year-old how to read."

..."This epidemic is a road block to life as we know it in the capitol," President George W. Bush stated in his weekly radio address. "We will stop at nothing, exhaust every natural resource, and lay off as many people as necessary to get this country back on track. Remember the national budget deficit, people. It's not getting any smaller."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tangled web

http://palestinechronicle.com/article.php?story=20030816003605243

Guatemalan authorities this week ordered the arrest of three Israelis for allegedly running 3,117 AK-47 assault rifles 5 million rounds of 7.62mm ammunition to a group of right-wing Latin American paramilitaries, the United Self-Defense Forces of Colombia (AUC), which the US State Department has branded a terrorist group and says has links to the country’s cocaine barons.

Israeli arms dealers and mercenaries have been linked to South American drug cartels and unsavory right-wing regimes in the region since the 1970s, often apparently doing the United States’ dirty work. But the latest arms scandal has a particular resonance given President George W. Bush’s “war on terrorism” and Washington’s support for the Colombian government against leftist terrorists known as the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC).

The 11,000-strong AUC is also fighting the FARC. The smuggled weapons significantly boosted the right-wingers’ ability to wage war on the leftists and to protect the cocaine and heroin industries at a time when the Bush administration is seeking to increase and broaden military assistance to the Bogota government to stamp out the multi-billion-dollar narcotics trade.

An exhaustive report on the scandal that involved Nicaragua, Guatemala and Colombia by the General Secretariat of the Organization of American States (OAS), obtained by The Daily Star, links the Israeli arms dealers with Lebanese arms brokers in West Africa allegedly involved in guns-for-diamonds deals that helped fund Osama bin Laden’s Al-Qaeda network.

On Aug. 8, a Guatemalan court issued arrest warrants for the three Israelis, Shimon Yelinek, who headed the DIGAL S.A. arms trading company in Panama, and Ori Zoller and Uzi Kissilevich, who own the Guatemala-based company Grupo de Representaciones Internacionales (GIR SA), which handled the purchase of the weapons and ammunition. They are accused of illegally shipping the arms ­ enough to equip three battalions of fighters ­ from Nicaragua.

...The report says they were aided in acquiring the arms from the Nicaraguan Army by its inspector-general, General Roberto Calderon, who had done business with GIR SA since 1999. Nicaragua’s security forces have vast amounts of surplus Soviet-era weapons left over from the Sandinistas’ war against the US-funded Contras in the 1980s.

...The OAS report said that its investigation team had uncovered links between Yelinek and his associates with Lebanese arms dealers operating in Sierra Leone, one of whom is under investigation by several governments for ties to Al-Qaeda.... [and who] worked with Ibrahim Bah, a Libyan-trained former Senegalese rebel and the principal diamond dealer with the RUF, which illegally mines the precious stones in Sierra Leone. He fought in Afghanistan with the Islamic mujahideen against Soviet forces... According to Western intelligence sources, he funnels profits from dealings in “conflict diamonds” to Hizbullah using sympathetic Lebanese businessmen across West Africa.

...The arrest of the Israelis wanted in the Colombian scandal, should they ever stand trial, could lead to more embarrassing revelations about their clandestine operations in Latin American that neither Israel nor the US would like to see the light of day.

.............................................................................

http://www.enduringvision.com/index1.htm

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld held a press conference today announcing that peace-keeping talks with North Korea were "progressing", and that a possible U.S. invasion or use of physical force would be "absolutely unnecessary and out of the question" due to the country possessing weapons of mass destruction.

Rumsfeld briefed the press on the weapons, and the damage they could theoretically do to U.S. forces. "We know for a fact that North Korea has at least one or two nuclear weapons, and is quite capable of making more," he said grimly. "Should we send our troops over there, they would be faced with the threat of having a nuclear bomb dropped on them, or something even worse. This is a risk we simply cannot take with our brave forces."

A member of the press questioned the validity of this decision, citing the fact that North Korea has openly displayed animosity towards America, but Rumsfeld held firm to his original statement. "Listen, I'd love to put everyone's fears to rest by forcibly disarming North Korea, but the fact of the matter is that they possess weaponry that would present a very real threat to our invading soldiers," he said emphatically. "In this case, I believe disarmament by diplomacy is really the best course."

... President Bush showed support for Rumsfeld's decision, and reiterated that the U.S. is standing firm on this issue. "When I was first campaigning for my presidency, I said that America would not play the world's policeman anymore, and I stand by that remark," he said. "I'm not going to needlessly endanger our soldiers and the lives of the innocent where there is even a shred of doubt about the action being taken. That would be irresponsible and wrong of me."

"And if there's anything a President should not be," he added sternly, "it's irresponsible and wrong."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Global_Economy/EH16Dj01.html

The International Monetary Fund (IMF), famous for flensing the skin off developing nations for sins of economic excess, has issued a 101-page report on the American economy.

...The report is extremely cautious as befits its putative role as the United States' global economic policeman... There is thus nothing in the report that would argue against the current rising stock market or the dollar's recovery against the euro. However, although the IMF carefully stays away from drawing conclusions... the report, prepared by a team of 11 economists, gives short shrift to the effectiveness of so-called supply-side economics, advanced by the economist Arthur Laffer, that deep tax cuts free enough up enough capital to generate economic activity. The Laffer curve, as it is called, didn't work for Ronald Reagan when he was president and it is not working for the George W Bush administration, which now faces a skyrocketing budget deficit that is officially put at $450,000,000,000.00 and unofficially at as much as $650,000,000,000.00.

...Higher levels of public debt generated by tax cuts can be expected to drive up global interest rates... Higher global interest rates are a serious concern for the Asian economies, most of which are hostage to the American import market. Also, if American consumers were to stop their buying, the Asian economies supplying them with consumer goods would be in serious trouble with cascading problems all down the line.

...After the budget deficit, probably the most pressing of these questions concerns the possibility that a US housing bubble, if there is one, might pop... [Recently] millions of homeowners, motivated by rising house prices and plummeting interest rates, refinanced their homes, took the money out and have been spending it... Millions of others took advantage of the low interest rates to buy new or existing homes... This explosion in consumer spending propped up the American economy through three years of economic decline... [However] the odds of a major meltdown of the US housing market are probably remote.

...The next most immediate question is whether the bank balance of the profligate American consumer, whose average savings rate actually went negative in the late 1990s, poses a risk to the economy... If consumers give up their profligate ways and save, the economy could cool off even from its current lackluster rate.

...The funding shortfall in defined-benefit pension plans is a cause for bigger worry... Underfunded pension obligations have already acted as a drag on corporate profits and credit ratings for a number of major US corporations. The recent failure of a number of large companies with significantly underfunded plans has already weakened the finances of the Pension Benefit Guarantee Corporation, the federal agency that insures private pensions, the researchers found... A strong economic recovery, the researchers write, "could help strengthen the position of defined-benefit plans and ease the burden on profits". However, there are few economists who foresee a strong US recovery very soon.

...The report is [also] critical of the Bush administration's National Energy Policy in 2001, saying that "none of the initiatives have laid an emphasis on taxes as a means of discouraging energy consumption". The focus has instead been on measures geared towards boosting domestic supply and developing new technologies to increase the efficiency of energy use. Reiterating the obvious, the report states that higher US energy intensity has been associated with higher levels of emissions of pollutants, particularly greenhouse gases

Taxes, the report points out, can play an important role in achieving conservation and environmental goals. The Bush administration, however, has shown no sign whatsoever that it would consider such an idea and in fact is absolutely antithetical to the idea of taxation of energy.

................................................................

http://www.satiresearch.com/go.asp?sid=17064

Californian Democrats have announced that they have sent a Terminator back in time to stop Arnold Schwarzenegger from being born... Silicon Valley Democrats got together, this week, with present Governor, Gray Davis, to send a Terminator back in time. It will be sent back to Graz, Austria in the year 1947, with specific instructions to sterilize his mother and father, by using a gamma-ray gun... Spokesperson, Richard Martinez, said, "All that the world will miss is a few Terminator films. I don't think anybody will miss 'Kindergarten Cop' or the phrases 'I'll be back', 'Ich habe einen sehr kleinen pimmel', or other such sayings".

There are unconfirmed reports that another Terminator has been sent back in time to stop the first one. There are rumours that it has been sent by Cyberdine Systems, which is part of the Bechtel/Carlyle Group.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.satiresearch.com/go.asp?sid=17067

What many fail to consider is that a Schwarzenegger campaign will also bring with it a barrage of horrible movie puns that will continue right through his hypothetical administration and into the next election cycle in 2006.

...References to his films have already permeated the 24-hour news networks. Using the standard pun scoring system, CNN beat out Fox News and MSNBC by a wide margin, a welcome upset for the scrappy Atlanta-based network.

As soon as the surprise announcement hit, Paula Zahn began the pun battle with this shaky opening salvo: "I'm sure this will be a Total Recall election with Schwarzenegger in the race."

Pun master Jeff Greenfield then spouted off a frontside-grind-manual-kickflp-McTwist quad combo journalists will be talking about for years. "Don't expect him to Jingle All the Way to the governor's mansion," said Greenfield. "He might be in for Raw Deal if elected, having promised to Terminate high taxes, and yet say 'hasta la vista, baby' to the sky-high state budget deficit." Total score: 25,273.